Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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