jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
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I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
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she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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