its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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