the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
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