Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Even my vagina gasped.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
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It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
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Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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