my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
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