why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
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Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
me + whiskey = a bad person
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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