I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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