Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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