you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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