you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize