Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
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You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
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We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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