I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize