You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
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she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
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Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
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