He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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