there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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