everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
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We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
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