somebody snuck up and got me drunk
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
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The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
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I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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