I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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