i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
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She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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