You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
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While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
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I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
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