My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
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i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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