Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
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