I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
