I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
tell me about the fingering
Randomize