this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
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I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
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