JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
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More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
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Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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