I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
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