Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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