Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Pooping to opera.
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