Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
