I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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