You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize