u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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