Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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