i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
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so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
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