I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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