Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize