Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
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I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
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I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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