I love black thongs
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize