Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
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I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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