Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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