if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
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