You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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