That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
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