Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
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I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
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You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
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