I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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