i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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