and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
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