id be glad to
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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